Last night I go to Walgreens – we’re out of pull-ups (imagine that) – as I pull into the parking lot I see Christmas trees on display through the windows. Now, for obvious reasons, I live day to day so things do have a way of sneaking up before I realize it is “that” time, but damn! Christmas trees and candy canes in October? I’m thinking, “Should I just buy ornaments and pass them out tomorrow night during Halloween?”
I love Christmas – I have tons of Christmas spirit – It is my favorite time of year. It is about friends and family, snuggling and snickering, mistletoe and mangers, decorations and dasher and dancer…you get my point. But when I am preparing to dress my kids up in their costumes, pass out Halloween candy, go on a hayride and enjoy the Halloween “spirits”, the last thing I want to see and even think about is Christmas.
I was initially discouraged at my attitude about early “Christmas”…after all; think about the “reason for the season” as they say. But then it hit me – (or should I say the Christmas “light bulb” went off in my head?) – My frustration is not about getting in the spirit earlier it is about the commercialization that surrounds this early celebrating; about big corporations that could care less about Jesus and are using our vulnerability to get us to buy more and more, sooner and sooner. They want to make the Christmas season a three-month marketing affair. Aweee, how special! This entire hullabaloo dilutes what Christmas is all about and by the time it actually arrives we are so over it. Before you know it the word “Christmas” will be replaced by “Commercialmas”.
I am certain that this has nothing to do with me being a Grinch – my heart is definitely not 3 sizes too small – but I refuse to get caught up in the exploitation of such a sacred holiday – My family and I will keep our point of view and remember Christmas as priceless family time that is less about the presents and more about the baby in the manger.
Any Questions?
© Chaos
Saturday
Friday
The Unknown
"When you get to the end of all the light that you know and it's time to step into the darkness of the unknown, faith is knowing one of two things will happen: either you will be given something solid to stand on or you will be taught how to fly." ~ Edward Teller
Any Questions?
© Chaos
Any Questions?
© Chaos
Thursday
Wednesday
What I do know...
I know want – I know love – I know struggle – I know fun – I know anxiety – I know laughter – I know anger – I know sweet – I know hate – I know entertainment – I know betrayal – I know loyalty – I know innocence – I know need – I know pleasure – I know rigid – I know guilt – I know soft – I know force – I know quiet – I know ignorance – I know pity – I know easy – I know boredom – I know wrath – I know forgiveness – I know grudges – I know heart – I just know.
I know that as a female, I have a biological response to stressful situations where I instinctually protect me and my babies via nurturing behaviors.
I know that a clean house depends on my access to resources and has more to do with my priorities than with my time management skills.
I know when it comes to my job as a nurse I prefer the luxury of choice to the limitations of necessity.
I know my role as a mother, a wife; a sister, a daughter, and a friend are just a few of the many parts I will play in the course of my life.
I know my marriage is priceless because we can share not only our strengths but also our mutual imperfections and needs.
I know that I am being true to myself and people respect that.
I know that I am willing to sacrifice for those things I believe in.
I know if I believe in anything, anything at all, it is these three things: Love, God, and Gratitude.
I know that 95% of my fears never materialized and I prevailed over the other 5%.
I know as a woman my attitude controls the climate of our home.
I know that life doesn’t take Visa or MasterCard. Life takes will power, stamina, and self control.
I know that I changed when I was ready to change, and not a moment before.
I know that some situations are the result of my own stupidity - others happen through no fault of my own; I know the difference!
I know I have no pity for myself and I shed no tears because knowing all of that means that I live while others merely exist.
Any Questions?
© Chaos
I know that as a female, I have a biological response to stressful situations where I instinctually protect me and my babies via nurturing behaviors.
I know that a clean house depends on my access to resources and has more to do with my priorities than with my time management skills.
I know when it comes to my job as a nurse I prefer the luxury of choice to the limitations of necessity.
I know my role as a mother, a wife; a sister, a daughter, and a friend are just a few of the many parts I will play in the course of my life.
I know my marriage is priceless because we can share not only our strengths but also our mutual imperfections and needs.
I know that I am being true to myself and people respect that.
I know that I am willing to sacrifice for those things I believe in.
I know if I believe in anything, anything at all, it is these three things: Love, God, and Gratitude.
I know that 95% of my fears never materialized and I prevailed over the other 5%.
I know as a woman my attitude controls the climate of our home.
I know that life doesn’t take Visa or MasterCard. Life takes will power, stamina, and self control.
I know that I changed when I was ready to change, and not a moment before.
I know that some situations are the result of my own stupidity - others happen through no fault of my own; I know the difference!
I know I have no pity for myself and I shed no tears because knowing all of that means that I live while others merely exist.
Any Questions?
© Chaos
Tuesday
The words never could.
*Remember when we were little, and we’d “accidentally” bite a kid on the playground? Our teachers would go, “Say you’re sorry.” and we would say it, but we wouldn’t mean it. Because the stupid kid we bit… totally deserved it. But, as we get older, making amends isn’t so simple. After the playground days are over (and boy aren’t they), you can’t just say it, you have to mean it.
In life, we can’t always undo our mistakes, and sometimes it is even hard to forgive ourselves for them. But as human beings, we can always try to do better, to be better, to right a wrong, even when it seems irreversible. Of course, “I’m sorry” doesn’t always cut it; I have seen too many people use it as a weapon or even as an excuse. However when we are really sorry, when the word is finally used correctly and there is no doubt that you mean it…that is when our actions finally say what those words never could.
Any questions?
© Chaos
*with a little help from Meredith Grey.
In life, we can’t always undo our mistakes, and sometimes it is even hard to forgive ourselves for them. But as human beings, we can always try to do better, to be better, to right a wrong, even when it seems irreversible. Of course, “I’m sorry” doesn’t always cut it; I have seen too many people use it as a weapon or even as an excuse. However when we are really sorry, when the word is finally used correctly and there is no doubt that you mean it…that is when our actions finally say what those words never could.
Any questions?
© Chaos
*with a little help from Meredith Grey.
Monday
This explains it all...
1. The first testicular guard (also known as the "cup") was used in hockey in 1874.
2. The first helmet was used in 1974.
My point: It took 100 years for men to realize that the brain is also important.
Any Questions?
© Chaos
2. The first helmet was used in 1974.
My point: It took 100 years for men to realize that the brain is also important.
Any Questions?
© Chaos
Sunday
Am I mistaken?
I never thought I would be using the words “my” and “child” and “cancer” in the same sentence. Turns out, I was mistaken.
I feared - due to Jackson’s tiny stature – he would not have the strength or the will to battle this tumor that had already spread throughout his spinal cord. Turns out, I was mistaken.
I worried our blended family, just recovering from the premature delivery of our daughter, would crack and break apart; unable to deal with the acquisition such a heavy burden. Turns out, I was mistaken.
I in no way thought people could be so hateful and depraved towards a mother carrying (at times literally) her child through painful and toxic treatments. Turns out, I was mistaken.
I assumed making decisions regarding your child’s health was easy; black and white – no grey area. Turns out, I was mistaken.
I was sure the side effects of the chemotherapy were easy to recognize; seen on the outside; too obvious to ignore. Turns out, I was mistaken.
I knew I was not going to be able to get out of the bed, take care of my other child, cook and clean, continue graduate school; function as I had always done before. Turns out, I was mistaken.
I am terrified at this chill I get in my bones from time to time; a feeling only a mother knows, a sign of what is to come. Am I mistaken?
Any Questions?
© Chaos
I feared - due to Jackson’s tiny stature – he would not have the strength or the will to battle this tumor that had already spread throughout his spinal cord. Turns out, I was mistaken.
I worried our blended family, just recovering from the premature delivery of our daughter, would crack and break apart; unable to deal with the acquisition such a heavy burden. Turns out, I was mistaken.
I in no way thought people could be so hateful and depraved towards a mother carrying (at times literally) her child through painful and toxic treatments. Turns out, I was mistaken.
I assumed making decisions regarding your child’s health was easy; black and white – no grey area. Turns out, I was mistaken.
I was sure the side effects of the chemotherapy were easy to recognize; seen on the outside; too obvious to ignore. Turns out, I was mistaken.
I knew I was not going to be able to get out of the bed, take care of my other child, cook and clean, continue graduate school; function as I had always done before. Turns out, I was mistaken.
I am terrified at this chill I get in my bones from time to time; a feeling only a mother knows, a sign of what is to come. Am I mistaken?
Any Questions?
© Chaos
Saturday
In my book...
1. Life isn’t always fair.
2. Deep breaths work wonders.
3. All that matters is that I tried.
4. Time heals.
5. It’s ok to forgive and not forget.
6. Jealousy is ignorance.
7. Pictures are priceless.
8. It’s okay to alter your path.
9. Bad things happen to good people.
10. Marriage to my best friend is harmony.
11. My mistakes are okay with me.
12. Stepping outside my comfort zone always pays off.
13. People will kick me when I’m down.
14. Agree to disagree.
15. Washing clothes sucks.
16. Be honest or be quiet…never lie.
17. Helping others is my gift.
18. A mother’s intuition is never wrong.
19. Doubt equals don’t.
20. Loyalty speaks volumes.
21. I dance when I’m happy.
22. I know when to stop.
23. Naps are essential.
24. My kids are my life.
25. Running chases away stress.
26. Gratitude is crucial.
27. I will never look back.
28. Anxiety has been replaced by peace.
29. Everything changes in the blink of an eye.
30. God is perfect.
Any Questions?
© Chaos
2. Deep breaths work wonders.
3. All that matters is that I tried.
4. Time heals.
5. It’s ok to forgive and not forget.
6. Jealousy is ignorance.
7. Pictures are priceless.
8. It’s okay to alter your path.
9. Bad things happen to good people.
10. Marriage to my best friend is harmony.
11. My mistakes are okay with me.
12. Stepping outside my comfort zone always pays off.
13. People will kick me when I’m down.
14. Agree to disagree.
15. Washing clothes sucks.
16. Be honest or be quiet…never lie.
17. Helping others is my gift.
18. A mother’s intuition is never wrong.
19. Doubt equals don’t.
20. Loyalty speaks volumes.
21. I dance when I’m happy.
22. I know when to stop.
23. Naps are essential.
24. My kids are my life.
25. Running chases away stress.
26. Gratitude is crucial.
27. I will never look back.
28. Anxiety has been replaced by peace.
29. Everything changes in the blink of an eye.
30. God is perfect.
Any Questions?
© Chaos
Thursday
The path of least resistance leads to destruction...
You cannot possibly imagine how disgusted I was when my ex-husband told me that Jackson and I were not “allowed” to ride with him to Dallas (for Jackson’s MRI) because it causes too much of a problem at his house. He tried to explain that his girlfriend makes this situation very hard on him and that I should be more understanding…I don’t and will never understand how a person can be so incredibly selfish. It is mind blowing. I asked Jeremy how he can allow her to compromise his relationship with his son time and time again; his response (are you sitting down?): “Lindsey, I just try to take the path of least resistance”.
The path of least resistance is for those that feel powerless and not in control of their own lives. Despite any efforts to change the way they think and act; the old patterns (the ones that take them into the same situation over and over again) remain. It is like a river, as long as the riverbed remains unchanged the water will continue to flow just as it always has – you have to be willing to change the basics (the core of your being) if there is ever going to be an adjustment on any level. I am aware that there are times when it is best not to tap into your energy reserve to fight some of the forces that come your direction; I have used entirely too much energy at various times in my life when I would have been better off letting go and allowing certain situations to take care of themselves. This is not one of those times.
You can only take that path for so long before the regret and guilt haunt you endlessly; for some it has already set in. The path of least resistance is a well worn and most often a trampled path; people that travel this way are often at odds on so many other paths they end up on this less challenging path secondary to a lacking of self-esteem, trust and faith. Life without obstacles hinders growth; you can never be as strong as you should have been. Our history books and even the bible hold proof that the path of least resistance leads to destruction.
Any Questions?
© Chaos
The path of least resistance is for those that feel powerless and not in control of their own lives. Despite any efforts to change the way they think and act; the old patterns (the ones that take them into the same situation over and over again) remain. It is like a river, as long as the riverbed remains unchanged the water will continue to flow just as it always has – you have to be willing to change the basics (the core of your being) if there is ever going to be an adjustment on any level. I am aware that there are times when it is best not to tap into your energy reserve to fight some of the forces that come your direction; I have used entirely too much energy at various times in my life when I would have been better off letting go and allowing certain situations to take care of themselves. This is not one of those times.
You can only take that path for so long before the regret and guilt haunt you endlessly; for some it has already set in. The path of least resistance is a well worn and most often a trampled path; people that travel this way are often at odds on so many other paths they end up on this less challenging path secondary to a lacking of self-esteem, trust and faith. Life without obstacles hinders growth; you can never be as strong as you should have been. Our history books and even the bible hold proof that the path of least resistance leads to destruction.
Any Questions?
© Chaos
Monday
A guided tour of hell!
I write this with the twinge of a migraine remaining in the right side of my head. The number of migraines I have had in recent months is staggering; my frustration level is rising. I have tried preventative medication (last few weeks most recently) and after puking my guts for 10 days…I stopped last Monday; 2 migraines since.
The medication is $47 per pill (that IS with insurance) which adds to the pain. I feel guilty for spending so much money on a “ridiculous headache” which causes me to wait longer before taking any medication; by then it’s too late. It’s a delusion; I try to assure myself that I couldn't possibly be getting yet another migraine.
This migraine crap is taking its toll.
I’m aware of the triggers…caffeine, chocolate, hormones…all essentials to being a woman. Aside from the hormones, I am certain that caffeine and chocolate are NOT triggers for me…hormones, whether they are OR are not – how can I prevent that? I do not have ANY migraines when I am pregnant and while another baby is in the talks at our house, I definitely cannot stay pregnant. Above all, my migraines more than likely stem from my genes; handed down from my daddy. I watched him as his attacks came on slowly and crested into intolerable pain. His pain is now my pain. God rest his soul.
This endless cycle of pain and self-doubt is devastating to my otherwise active and productive life. When a migraine comes on, I often must struggle through the day in a haze of unendurable pain, never time to stop. It is simply a guided tour of hell.
Any Questions?
© Chaos
The medication is $47 per pill (that IS with insurance) which adds to the pain. I feel guilty for spending so much money on a “ridiculous headache” which causes me to wait longer before taking any medication; by then it’s too late. It’s a delusion; I try to assure myself that I couldn't possibly be getting yet another migraine.
This migraine crap is taking its toll.
I’m aware of the triggers…caffeine, chocolate, hormones…all essentials to being a woman. Aside from the hormones, I am certain that caffeine and chocolate are NOT triggers for me…hormones, whether they are OR are not – how can I prevent that? I do not have ANY migraines when I am pregnant and while another baby is in the talks at our house, I definitely cannot stay pregnant. Above all, my migraines more than likely stem from my genes; handed down from my daddy. I watched him as his attacks came on slowly and crested into intolerable pain. His pain is now my pain. God rest his soul.
This endless cycle of pain and self-doubt is devastating to my otherwise active and productive life. When a migraine comes on, I often must struggle through the day in a haze of unendurable pain, never time to stop. It is simply a guided tour of hell.
Any Questions?
© Chaos
Sunday
Nobody else like him, he's unique - - the only one...
Another one of Jackson's dream comes true: He met Billy Bretherton from The Exterminators.
www.aetv.com/the-exterminators
How fortunate I am that he is my son.
Any Questions?
© Chaos
Life is a struggle if you can't juggle...
Before this week is over I will have driven almost 1,000 miles somewhere between 3 different states; all the while trying to maintain what sanity I have left. With the help of my pocket (purse really) calendar; I juggle rather well. I am flourishing. Finally!
I have always wanted more, both personally and professionally. I am never satisfied with settling; by the way - I think that concept should apply to everyone. I have had my fair share of failures probably due to the difficulty involved in my daily balancing act; I burn the candle at both ends, I fight to keep my head above water from time to time, I do more with less.
While I say in jest that I can juggle; I cannot in the literal sense. I can however keep up with eight to ten commitments at a time (and even remember my name by the end of most days). I know the consequences of doing this long term: stress, fatigue, burn-out; the list goes on. I prioritize. I love the analogy Brian G. Dyson made as he spoke at Georgia Tech’s commencement in the early 1990’s. It is all about knowing which balls you can drop; you soon see which balls are rubber for they bounce back when you are forced to drop them but also knowing which balls are glass; you drop these and they are forever changed -maybe scratched, maybe shattered - but nonetheless, never the same.
I will never apologize for wanting more; I am not selfish, greedy or materialistic. Every ball in my act serves a purpose, I handle the glass balls with care, I let loose of the rubber balls from time to time, and some balls I don’t miss at all.
Any Questions?
© Chaos
I have always wanted more, both personally and professionally. I am never satisfied with settling; by the way - I think that concept should apply to everyone. I have had my fair share of failures probably due to the difficulty involved in my daily balancing act; I burn the candle at both ends, I fight to keep my head above water from time to time, I do more with less.
While I say in jest that I can juggle; I cannot in the literal sense. I can however keep up with eight to ten commitments at a time (and even remember my name by the end of most days). I know the consequences of doing this long term: stress, fatigue, burn-out; the list goes on. I prioritize. I love the analogy Brian G. Dyson made as he spoke at Georgia Tech’s commencement in the early 1990’s. It is all about knowing which balls you can drop; you soon see which balls are rubber for they bounce back when you are forced to drop them but also knowing which balls are glass; you drop these and they are forever changed -maybe scratched, maybe shattered - but nonetheless, never the same.
I will never apologize for wanting more; I am not selfish, greedy or materialistic. Every ball in my act serves a purpose, I handle the glass balls with care, I let loose of the rubber balls from time to time, and some balls I don’t miss at all.
Any Questions?
© Chaos
Friday
Be to her...
Be to her virtues very kind,
Be to her faults a little blind.
-- Matthew Prior
Any Questions?
© Chaos
Law & Disorder
In 2008, BusinessWeek magazine named Bossier City the “Best Place in Louisiana to Raise Children” due in part to the city's low crime rate. Today the Bossier City Mayor made an announcement that ensures the same award will not be given in 2009. If Bossier City’s mayor’s current proposed budget for 2010 is approved, 117 of the city's 897 positions in the city will be eliminated. 29 of those positions are currently open and would go unfilled however; the police and fire departments will lose a total of 88 current employees – all secondary to a budget deficit.
One of the most important values in any community is the safety and health of its residents. Why isn’t this value being recognized and respected? Even if the crime rate never increases an ounce; a department functioning with 9 (or so) less officers on each shift will result in a dramatic increase in the response time to calls for service. The obvious: bad situations will only turn worse. I am furious with the city government; their excuses; and the constant lack of support for our police department. Time and time again police officers are made to feel unappreciated; I think that this lack of backing for our department is the ultimate act of disregard.
While I am not a citizen of Bossier City; I am a police wife and this is how it affects my life…
Is the city of Bossier City prepared to fork over the money to train these officers how to respond to calls without back-up? When one of our officers is in trouble who is going to come to his/her rescue?
The Bossier City police department is losing a large part of its backbone; no department can function properly or safely without an adequate staff of patrolmen. The morale will sink to an all time low.
Bossier City’s badges just got a lot heavier.
Any Questions?
© Chaos
One of the most important values in any community is the safety and health of its residents. Why isn’t this value being recognized and respected? Even if the crime rate never increases an ounce; a department functioning with 9 (or so) less officers on each shift will result in a dramatic increase in the response time to calls for service. The obvious: bad situations will only turn worse. I am furious with the city government; their excuses; and the constant lack of support for our police department. Time and time again police officers are made to feel unappreciated; I think that this lack of backing for our department is the ultimate act of disregard.
While I am not a citizen of Bossier City; I am a police wife and this is how it affects my life…
Is the city of Bossier City prepared to fork over the money to train these officers how to respond to calls without back-up? When one of our officers is in trouble who is going to come to his/her rescue?
The Bossier City police department is losing a large part of its backbone; no department can function properly or safely without an adequate staff of patrolmen. The morale will sink to an all time low.
Bossier City’s badges just got a lot heavier.
Any Questions?
© Chaos
Wednesday
Or can we?
Grey's Anatomy speaks for itself...and for me on this one.
Meredith: Human beings need a lot of things to feel alive.
George: Family.
Cristina: Love.
Izzie: Sex.
Derek: But we only need one thing…
Burke: To actually be alive.
Cristina: We need a beating heart.
Addison: When our heart is threatened…
Alex: We respond in one of two ways.
George: We either run…
Burke: Or…
Izzie:We attack.
Richard: There’s a scientific term for this.
Alex: Fight…
Addison: Or flight.
Bailey: It’s instinct.
Meredith: We can’t control it.
Izzie: Or can we?
Any Questions?
© Chaos
Meredith: Human beings need a lot of things to feel alive.
George: Family.
Cristina: Love.
Izzie: Sex.
Derek: But we only need one thing…
Burke: To actually be alive.
Cristina: We need a beating heart.
Addison: When our heart is threatened…
Alex: We respond in one of two ways.
George: We either run…
Burke: Or…
Izzie:We attack.
Richard: There’s a scientific term for this.
Alex: Fight…
Addison: Or flight.
Bailey: It’s instinct.
Meredith: We can’t control it.
Izzie: Or can we?
Any Questions?
© Chaos
Tuesday
Monday
Not a flood plain? I'll have a second opinion!
Notice the mailboxes and the neighbors trashcan across the street (or rather the absence of a street all together)...and to think, I just put our swimsoups (as Greer would call them) away with our summer clothes.Any Questions?
© Chaos
Three (more) in the bed and the not-so-little one said…
While I am a fan of thunderstorms, Isabella, Greer and Jackson are not. I am not certain exactly what time it was when the thunder started rolling in but I remember turning over from my right to my left and smiling as I heard mother nature releasing her fury. A few moments later, I remember thinking, “How can a 2 pound {teacup anything} make that much noise” as Isabella whined and whined; she was the first to join Mark and I. A few moments later; it may have been an hour or maybe even 5 minutes; after all it was the middle of the night and I wasn’t watching the clock, 2 little hands grab my leg. Greer says…”Momma?” I say, “Yes?” she says, “Where’s my daddy?” Mark giggles – I’m done with that conversation. She snuggles in between us – a tad closer to “her” daddy. Again within moments/hours (at this point it could have been days) Jackson joins us; the storm is in full swing; daunting if you ask a 2lb Chihuahua, a little Daddy’s princess, or a big-boy baseball player; perfect for sleeping if you ask me; and time to get a bigger bed if you ask the king of our castle!
Any Questions?
© Chaos
Any Questions?
© Chaos
Sunday
Making the grade...and giving the grades!
I had a fabulous experience in undergrad school (not to say that graduate school has not been fabulous thus far as well…but it is not important today). I am the sort of nurse – former nursing student – that believes that you don’t get more points for going to a harder nursing school. I actually graduated with my associate’s degree (from a college in Arkansas), earned my bachelor’s degree and am now 6 months away from my master’s degree. The road has been long but it has been the most rewarding road (second to parenting) I have ever paved in my life.
My phone rings Tuesday…in the middle of a small disaster so I wasn’t able to answer the phone but later I checked my voicemail to find that it was a former professor of mine asking for a rather larger favor…or so she thought. It seems the college is overwhelmed with students this semester…more passing than they expected (great news as far as I am concerned) and they are in need of an adjunct faculty member. I’m thinking what can that have to do with me? That’s right…you can call me Mrs. Fortenberry! I am the newest faculty member at Southern Arkansas University. I am excited, but I am scared-to-freakin’-death! While this is only a part-time adjunct position, what’s another ball in my juggling act after all, I am still trying to wrap my mind around the fact that I am responsible for shaping future nurses.
I look it at like raising my children. I will teach them the same lessons. I will tell them to always do the best they can. I will teach them the “right” way and the “real” way; in nursing there are 2 ways. I will teach them to treat the patient not the “disease”. And in their orientation packet I will give them a quote someone once gave me “Constant attention by a good nurse may be just as important as a major operation by a surgeon.” ~Dag Hammarskjold…I have never forgotten it; I hope they don’t either.
Any Questions?
© Chaos
My phone rings Tuesday…in the middle of a small disaster so I wasn’t able to answer the phone but later I checked my voicemail to find that it was a former professor of mine asking for a rather larger favor…or so she thought. It seems the college is overwhelmed with students this semester…more passing than they expected (great news as far as I am concerned) and they are in need of an adjunct faculty member. I’m thinking what can that have to do with me? That’s right…you can call me Mrs. Fortenberry! I am the newest faculty member at Southern Arkansas University. I am excited, but I am scared-to-freakin’-death! While this is only a part-time adjunct position, what’s another ball in my juggling act after all, I am still trying to wrap my mind around the fact that I am responsible for shaping future nurses.
I look it at like raising my children. I will teach them the same lessons. I will tell them to always do the best they can. I will teach them the “right” way and the “real” way; in nursing there are 2 ways. I will teach them to treat the patient not the “disease”. And in their orientation packet I will give them a quote someone once gave me “Constant attention by a good nurse may be just as important as a major operation by a surgeon.” ~Dag Hammarskjold…I have never forgotten it; I hope they don’t either.
Any Questions?
© Chaos
Saturday
A tenderheart and a tattletale
He’s a boy: She’s a girl. He says please: she says now. He says yes: She says No. He would rather be seen, she would rather be heard. He gives in: She stands her ground. He says I love you: She says I love you too. They are unique; I love them as they are. He is all heart, she is all trouble (not really, but it sure seems that way). They speak for themselves…
The first born, my son:
I went to a Pampered Chef party last night, I came home found this note on my pillow, it read (exactly):
DeAr, mom
thak you for holing my hand throh cemo. I had a blast hat my hunt you r the best mom ever. I hope you had a good time on my hunt. Im srue you did but I thenk that you r prude of me and I hope that the cemo is going awawy and we dodt have to wery about the cemo.
I love you
Jackson E ******* (he actually wrote his last name; I’m not disclosing it)
The second born, my daughter:
We’re on the way to the ballpark, Jackson is on the phone with Jeremy…
Greer points to Mark and says, “My Daddy?”…
Points to the cell phone and says “Jack-Jack Daddy?”…
Points to me and says “Mommy?”…
And clearly announces her revelation for the day: “One Mommy…Two Daddies!!!”
I gave birth to a tenderheart and a tattletale…should I even test the waters with a third?
Any Questions?
© Chaos
The first born, my son:
I went to a Pampered Chef party last night, I came home found this note on my pillow, it read (exactly):
DeAr, mom
thak you for holing my hand throh cemo. I had a blast hat my hunt you r the best mom ever. I hope you had a good time on my hunt. Im srue you did but I thenk that you r prude of me and I hope that the cemo is going awawy and we dodt have to wery about the cemo.
I love you
Jackson E ******* (he actually wrote his last name; I’m not disclosing it)
The second born, my daughter:
We’re on the way to the ballpark, Jackson is on the phone with Jeremy…
Greer points to Mark and says, “My Daddy?”…
Points to the cell phone and says “Jack-Jack Daddy?”…
Points to me and says “Mommy?”…
And clearly announces her revelation for the day: “One Mommy…Two Daddies!!!”
I gave birth to a tenderheart and a tattletale…should I even test the waters with a third?
Any Questions?
© Chaos
Thursday
I am made. I am stressed. I am strong. I am me.
I am made. I am made of XX’s; pure, strong, and homogeneous. I deal with make-up, menstrual cycles, males, motherhood, mood swings, migraines, and eventually menopause. Most of the afore mentioned are privileges – afforded only to the female. This woman’s role is exhausting; so much is expected from me and actually females in general… aside from what I already expect from myself. Somehow I handle the load rather well; more than likely as a result of my coping mechanisms such as a glass of wine, a good book or long run.
I am stressed. In addition to the essential life principles, I also stress about the shallow things; my weight (why did I bitch about my thighs when I was 21?), my grey hair, and that wrinkle in the middle of my forehead. I refuse to take the time to stop and appreciate the reasons (7 M’s above) that are biologically and physiologically to blame. The sun rises; the sun sets; my boobs will sag a little more…especially since I have skipped the gym yet another day. I guess I better find my key fob to the gym and stop my search for eternal youth. In reality I will age; but as I age I become more of myself.
I am strong. When the road ahead is scattered with obstacles I take that road knowing each obstacle is there for a reason - making it the right road for me. Strong women acknowledge their mistakes; take the lesson and move forward – even when I have had to move slowly at first – at least I am making progress. I face fear with my head held high, knowing I will make every effort until I succeed.
I am made. I am stressed. I am strong. I am me.
Any Questions?
© Chaos
I am stressed. In addition to the essential life principles, I also stress about the shallow things; my weight (why did I bitch about my thighs when I was 21?), my grey hair, and that wrinkle in the middle of my forehead. I refuse to take the time to stop and appreciate the reasons (7 M’s above) that are biologically and physiologically to blame. The sun rises; the sun sets; my boobs will sag a little more…especially since I have skipped the gym yet another day. I guess I better find my key fob to the gym and stop my search for eternal youth. In reality I will age; but as I age I become more of myself.
I am strong. When the road ahead is scattered with obstacles I take that road knowing each obstacle is there for a reason - making it the right road for me. Strong women acknowledge their mistakes; take the lesson and move forward – even when I have had to move slowly at first – at least I am making progress. I face fear with my head held high, knowing I will make every effort until I succeed.
I am made. I am stressed. I am strong. I am me.
Any Questions?
© Chaos
Wednesday
I'm not just talking trash...
This week has challenged my limits for tolerance - mostly because I’d like to tell you that I don’t know many hateful people, but unfortunately, I do know several hateful people. They are everywhere. Hateful people exist in all areas of life. All of us know them. Even they know who they are. It is amazing to me, these people are able to live with themselves and their words/actions; I guess because they are always able to justify their hateful ways (for themselves at least). They talk down to everybody. They’re self-absorbed. Often arrogant. Always toxic. All hateful people are self-centered and inconsiderate.
I had an epiphany this evening…another’s hateful behavior is not about me, it is about them and this explains it perfectly…
"Many people are like garbage trucks. They run around full of garbage, full of frustration, full of anger, and full of disappointment. As their garbage piles up, they need a place to dump it, and if you let them, they'll dump it on you. When someone wants to dump on you, don't take it personally. Instead, just smile, wave, wish them well, and move on. You'll be happier because you did."
Consider it done...and I'm not just talking trash!
Any Questions?
© Chaos
I had an epiphany this evening…another’s hateful behavior is not about me, it is about them and this explains it perfectly…
"Many people are like garbage trucks. They run around full of garbage, full of frustration, full of anger, and full of disappointment. As their garbage piles up, they need a place to dump it, and if you let them, they'll dump it on you. When someone wants to dump on you, don't take it personally. Instead, just smile, wave, wish them well, and move on. You'll be happier because you did."
Consider it done...and I'm not just talking trash!
Any Questions?
© Chaos
Tuesday
Mirror Mirror on the Wall...
Erma Bombeck says it perfectly as she uses dialogue between God and one of His Angels to explain why certain mommas are blessed with chronically ill children...
..."This mother is the perfect choice. She has just enough selfishness." The angel gasps, "Selfishness? Is that a virtue?" God nods. "If she can't separate herself from this child occasionally, she'll never survive. Yes, here is the woman I will bless with a child less than perfect. She doesn't realize it yet, but she is to be envied. She will never take anything her child does for granted. She will never consider a single step just ordinary. I will permit her to see clearly the things I see... ignorance, cruelty, prejudice... and allow her to rise above them." "And what about her patron saint," asks the angel with his pen poised in mid-air. God smiles and says..."A mirror will suffice."
Any Questions?
© Chaos
..."This mother is the perfect choice. She has just enough selfishness." The angel gasps, "Selfishness? Is that a virtue?" God nods. "If she can't separate herself from this child occasionally, she'll never survive. Yes, here is the woman I will bless with a child less than perfect. She doesn't realize it yet, but she is to be envied. She will never take anything her child does for granted. She will never consider a single step just ordinary. I will permit her to see clearly the things I see... ignorance, cruelty, prejudice... and allow her to rise above them." "And what about her patron saint," asks the angel with his pen poised in mid-air. God smiles and says..."A mirror will suffice."
Any Questions?
© Chaos
Monday
When stall is said and done...
I don’t prefer to “tee-tee” in public; but sometimes it is an evil necessity – like today. I started my day, entirely too early, but aside from that…with my usual coffee (by the gallon), followed by my diet dr. pepper, oh how I love diet dr. pepper. I saw no less than 12 patients before lunch, which in theory is not a-whole-lot, but for an NP student, that is moving and shaking and moving some more. Before I knew it, it was lunch time, a very special lunch time as it was one of my fellow WHNP students (we call ourselves the Whoo – Whoo girls…need I explain what a whoo-whoo is? Hint: WOMEN’S HEALTH…I figured that would cue the light bulb)…anyway, it was her birthday…Red Lobster (her pick) here we come. We are seated quickly, and I am at rest just long enough to realize that my bladder is so full…well, like…..SO full! Anyways, I run (waddle) to the ladies room and go to my usual place…the handicapped stall. I am not sure if I am drawn to that stall because #1, I have small children and when you are tinkling with small children present there is NO WAY you can all fit in a “regular” stall; #2 it is bigger and always appears somewhat cleaner, or #3, I tend to be a creature of habit and as habit has it, that is where I ended up.
Of course, for the first time ever - in walked a lady that needed the handicapped stall; my heart sank. I immediately thought to myself…would I have parked in a handicapped parking spot?…Uhhhh, nope, notta chance. That is illegal and people get tickets for that; I’m sure that Mark has written a ticket (or 10) for such an offense. I felt horrible, just horrible…
From now on this able bodied, caffeine addict will make a more conscious effort not to park in the handicapped stall out of my habits of motherhood, fears of germs, or my tendency to wander to the back corner of any public ladies room…from now on I will take a step in the right direction–into a regular stall.
Any Questions?
© Chaos
Of course, for the first time ever - in walked a lady that needed the handicapped stall; my heart sank. I immediately thought to myself…would I have parked in a handicapped parking spot?…Uhhhh, nope, notta chance. That is illegal and people get tickets for that; I’m sure that Mark has written a ticket (or 10) for such an offense. I felt horrible, just horrible…
From now on this able bodied, caffeine addict will make a more conscious effort not to park in the handicapped stall out of my habits of motherhood, fears of germs, or my tendency to wander to the back corner of any public ladies room…from now on I will take a step in the right direction–into a regular stall.
Any Questions?
© Chaos
Sunday
You watch football like a girl…
I know the rules, I know a bad call when I hear one, and I can scream at the TV at any given moment. This is my third season in the fantasy football league, it is more stressful than I ever imagined – I love it! I like the Saints, I like the Cowboys…yes, you can like both; but my favorite team is Princess Pigskins – I bleed hot pink and black! There is no official jersey…maybe I should have one made, along with pennants, pompons, and my very own logo…maybe all of that is a little overboard…or not!
I start my Sunday’s in God’s house; or else my week just wouldn’t be right; but once I make it home, the heels come off and my “helmet” comes on… my heart tics with the game clock, I can only count to four (quarters)and I live in 15 minute increments. I will be more than happy to get the kids some juice…when someone has scored, someone is tackled, when there is a time out, or any other reason the clock has stopped. I stand and pace (burning all the calories I have eaten in a week), I check my laptop play by play, and let a few 4-letter words fly on occasion. I am competitive beyond words.
I like my nails done, my hair colored, my clothes to fit just right. I’m into posh purses, swanky shoes and up-market make-up; I am fascinated with football – so there you have it – I dress like a girl, I accessorize like a girl, I put on my make-up like a girl, and last but not least, you guessed it… I watch football like a girl!
Any Questions?
© Chaos
I start my Sunday’s in God’s house; or else my week just wouldn’t be right; but once I make it home, the heels come off and my “helmet” comes on… my heart tics with the game clock, I can only count to four (quarters)and I live in 15 minute increments. I will be more than happy to get the kids some juice…when someone has scored, someone is tackled, when there is a time out, or any other reason the clock has stopped. I stand and pace (burning all the calories I have eaten in a week), I check my laptop play by play, and let a few 4-letter words fly on occasion. I am competitive beyond words.
I like my nails done, my hair colored, my clothes to fit just right. I’m into posh purses, swanky shoes and up-market make-up; I am fascinated with football – so there you have it – I dress like a girl, I accessorize like a girl, I put on my make-up like a girl, and last but not least, you guessed it… I watch football like a girl!
Any Questions?
© Chaos
Saturday
When reality bites...it doesn't let go.
Never use denial as a key to existence. Day in and day out you can deny that you’re tired, you can deny that you’re scared, you can deny how badly you want more out of life, you can even deny that you’re in denial…one day reality will sneak up and bite you in the butt.
As humans we can only see what we want to see, and believe what we want to believe. And sometimes it works; sometimes not so much. People lie to themselves so much that, after a while, the lies start to seem like the truth. And eventually they deny so much, that they are unable to recognize the truth, even when it is right in front of their face…breathing down their neck.
When it comes to be…reality that is, and it will; the dam bursts, all you can do is swim. You can only lie to yourself for so long until you realize that you are tired, you are scared, you do want more and all this time, denying it hasn’t changed the truth. You are forced to put aside your denial and face the world head-on because; denial - it’s not just a river in Egypt. It is more massive than any ocean.
I have to wonder, how do some people keep from drowning in it?
Any Questions?
© Chaos
As humans we can only see what we want to see, and believe what we want to believe. And sometimes it works; sometimes not so much. People lie to themselves so much that, after a while, the lies start to seem like the truth. And eventually they deny so much, that they are unable to recognize the truth, even when it is right in front of their face…breathing down their neck.
When it comes to be…reality that is, and it will; the dam bursts, all you can do is swim. You can only lie to yourself for so long until you realize that you are tired, you are scared, you do want more and all this time, denying it hasn’t changed the truth. You are forced to put aside your denial and face the world head-on because; denial - it’s not just a river in Egypt. It is more massive than any ocean.
I have to wonder, how do some people keep from drowning in it?
Any Questions?
© Chaos
Friday
My hero must ten zero.
Many men head out for work - suit fresh from the cleaners, briefcase in hand, business meeting to attend. Their wives kiss their lips, say, “Have a good day…talk to you later”…times when there is never a second thought.
Unfortunately there is no room for such a complacent attitude when you are the wife of a police officer. When someone you love is a police officer, it is a title the entire family holds, we are a police family. There is no way to prevent Mark’s heroic profession from spilling over into our family life; he is proud and we are honored. Shift work is ever present (but same goes for this nurse), the hours can be long, and most of all the day to day work can be terribly unpredictable. A shift can start with 3 hours of shear boredom, building checks, foot patrols, or a run to the DMV…only to be followed by 2 minutes of terror that turns into several more hours of report writing. There are days when he calls home…late call…”be home as soon as I get done”; I often feel a wave of frustration followed by a small kick of my own butt, I should be glad he is coming home…some wives are not so lucky in this line of work.
This job is important, full of risks and serious consequences; injuries are common and a known occupational hazard. Injuries range from torn knees, to black eyes, to lumbar strains, to injuries that change lives, ours and theirs. The cause of injuries: maybe the 15+ pounds of gear they don before each shift, maybe it is the defensive tactics taught in a training class, maybe it is lifting weights in order to stay in shape, but also a chance that it is so much worse…a chance that it is a situation like today, a police officer beaten by a mad man that should have been taken off the streets years ago when he tried to kill another police officer from the very agency that was forced to take his life tonight. Law enforcement is taxing and rewarding, these men can save a life and take a life, in the same situation all in a matter of moments.
For me, the cop's wife, the keeper of our police family, I will kiss him goodbye, tell him to be careful, and make sure that he knows what he is to me…for anytime; anywhere before he heads in to another shift meeting… this could be the last exchange we will share. I love him, he loves me back…no matter where we have been, I love where we are now. I will stand behind him, while he stands behind the badge.
Any Questions?
© Chaos
Unfortunately there is no room for such a complacent attitude when you are the wife of a police officer. When someone you love is a police officer, it is a title the entire family holds, we are a police family. There is no way to prevent Mark’s heroic profession from spilling over into our family life; he is proud and we are honored. Shift work is ever present (but same goes for this nurse), the hours can be long, and most of all the day to day work can be terribly unpredictable. A shift can start with 3 hours of shear boredom, building checks, foot patrols, or a run to the DMV…only to be followed by 2 minutes of terror that turns into several more hours of report writing. There are days when he calls home…late call…”be home as soon as I get done”; I often feel a wave of frustration followed by a small kick of my own butt, I should be glad he is coming home…some wives are not so lucky in this line of work.
This job is important, full of risks and serious consequences; injuries are common and a known occupational hazard. Injuries range from torn knees, to black eyes, to lumbar strains, to injuries that change lives, ours and theirs. The cause of injuries: maybe the 15+ pounds of gear they don before each shift, maybe it is the defensive tactics taught in a training class, maybe it is lifting weights in order to stay in shape, but also a chance that it is so much worse…a chance that it is a situation like today, a police officer beaten by a mad man that should have been taken off the streets years ago when he tried to kill another police officer from the very agency that was forced to take his life tonight. Law enforcement is taxing and rewarding, these men can save a life and take a life, in the same situation all in a matter of moments.
For me, the cop's wife, the keeper of our police family, I will kiss him goodbye, tell him to be careful, and make sure that he knows what he is to me…for anytime; anywhere before he heads in to another shift meeting… this could be the last exchange we will share. I love him, he loves me back…no matter where we have been, I love where we are now. I will stand behind him, while he stands behind the badge.
Any Questions?
© Chaos
Thursday
Below the belt.
A family goes on vacation and takes more than 100 photos of their three daughters, ages 5, 4 and 18 months. Sounds like me...except our last trip I took 407 photos! Anyways...lets say those pictures included seven or eight shots of the three girls playing together in the tub during bath time. I have done it! (Thank God I only have ONE girl). So this family returns home and takes their flash drive to a local Walmart for processing - only to lose custody of their children because an employee looks through the photos, decides they are pornographic, and alerts the police. The are charged with sexual abuse...not to regain custody of their daughters for an entire month. They have since filed a lawsuit, I hope they drag Walmart's name through the mud.
I will take pictures of my kids...bathtub or not! There are enough perverts out there that need a little jail time...or a lot of jail time for inappropriate actions with children...a parent capturing innocent moments they can never get back is NOT pornography. I cannot imagine the anguish that family will have to live with for the rest of their lives. Back in 1979, my mom took me to Olan Mills and had my picture taken naked...she did it again in 1981 and 1983 with my sister and brother as well...now the shots were tasteful, exposing a side view that included butt cheeks only, precious and not pornographic. I will not stop taking pictures of my babies, dressed in their Sunday best or otherwise. Anyone, from a Walmart employee to a neighborhood tattle-tale can twist and turn anything into whatever they want it to be, some call it pornography...I call it precious!
Any Questions?
© Chaos
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