Practice what I preach...

A couple of weeks ago, I posted yet ANOTHER...hummmm, let's call it a "Lindsey List". I mentioned the "highlight of my week" but was not able to tell all, or to reference my previous post "Spill it sister"...

I am going to be an Aunt (again) - Mark's brother, David, and his wife Karrie are expecting their first baby - God is so good!

After trying to become pregnant for over a year - we heard the sweetest sound in the world - a baby's heartbeat - on Thursday.

I am sure that you are wondering why I am acting like David and Karrie and I are all pregnant together - while that does sound like a chapter in my insane life, my attachment comes from this feeling I hold, almost as if I have sort of carried this baby in my heart for a very long time.

When Karrie confided in me (a year ago) that her and David were trying to get pregnant but having no luck - I was devastated for them, it was my mission to do all that I could to make this possible - at least all that God would allow me to do for this so deserving couple. I read - I learned - I prayed - I went to doctor's appointments - I read some more - I prayed some more.

Karrie is not only my sister-in-law, she is one of my very best friends. She knows my heart so well - I would be lost without her. While she has been by my side as my faith has grown to levels I never knew existed - I am so glad to have been by her side while her faith was tested on levels she never knew existed - none of this is by chance.

Another Fortenberry coming September 2010... Looks like Mark and I are next - maybe 2011!

So there you have it - I practice what I preach!

Any Questions?

Spill it sister...

It seems like us women have been trained to exchange secrets ever since we were little. It is hard to determine whether it is the sacred trust from one to another we learn to love or the special feeling we hold when we know that someone will keep our secrets under wraps – you must choose carefully. But pretty soon secrets get shared; lies get told and everything becomes one big mess – it isn’t worth it.

I cannot help but believe when women act covertly they are ultimately hurting no one but themselves – the benefits are only temporary. I see people (acquaintances, friends, loved ones, TV stars, etc…) lie to their children, their parents, husbands, girlfriends, siblings, coworkers – one after another – embellishing financial status, their children’s accomplishments, their age, their addictions, their relationships – in hopes to get what they want in the end, only to get burned.

It would be hypocritical not to acknowledge that I can relate – low self-esteem and the need to please others haunted me for years and years – many tears cried – but the life lessons I took away when I finally broke free were priceless.

It all comes down to what you’re missing, the life you want to live eludes you – the going has gotten tough and you’re trying to make it easy. Pretending will never change reality, you are not safeguarded by words – there is never an ethical explanation. It’s all so simple - - - Spill it sister!

Any Questions?

Divine Disorder

At home with my babies, working hard with the mommas and babies, or just driving down the road - I think about life. I think about where I am and where I have been and of course, where I am going. Life is full of lessons - the ones we have marked down as "done" and those we have yet to even prepare for. Most of all, lately, I have been thinking about others - those close to me, those that used to be - while, I know why it is not possible (or feasible) for people to hold the knowledge from others' life lessons - wouldn't it make life easier at times - if we not only knew then what we know now but if we knew what everyone else knew too.

1. Never lose hope.
2. Be forgiving.
3. Love should be unconditional.
4. A positive attitude heals.
5. Self-esteem is not optional.
6. Denial is no way to live.
7. Exercise will help you love longer.
8. You cannot love another til you love yourself.
9. Relationships require communication.
10. A mile in some one elses shoes is harder than you think.

There is balance in life - even when you think that you are in the midst of chaos and uncertainty. I have married - I have divorced. I have laughed - I have cried. I have been scared - I have been confident. I have lied - I have told the truth. I have cussed - I have prayed.

I have been blessed with so much - I have found a peace within myself by realizing that I have no control over the chaos that surrounds me; only my attitude with regard to such divine disorder.

Any Questions?

In her world...

...oranges are apples.

Any Questions?

A sneak peek at my week...

A sneak peek at my week…

1. Mark went back to work – light duty until his thumb is completely healed.

2. Greer is out of sorts without her Daddy at home.

3. Jackson brought home his report card – straight A’s – Amazing, Awesome, Astounding. Yes he is!

4. I applied for graduation – 112 days and counting.

5. Momma has been here to help – what would I do without her?

6. My car went to the shop – who knew your car made a funny noise when you don’t put the oil cap back on it – oops!

7. Ordered a new phone – been without mine too long (almost 2 weeks) – can’t wait to meet my new iphone.

8. After this weekend, I will have worked over 60 hours in 2 weeks – not including 32 hours of clinicals – really not that tired.

9. I have been in a much better frame of mind – the funk is gone – it won’t be missed!

10. Mark is going to physical therapy 3x a week – yesterday he says, “It doesn’t hurt as bad when I relax”- oh my – men patients – I’ll leave it at that!

11. Greer announced she wants an Abby Cadabby birthday cake – I better start practicing on that one NOW.

12. Thinking about Greer’s birthday makes me dread the day after – the big 31 for me.

13. Mark made reservations for dinner for he and I for Valentine's Day/My birthday weekend – I had already signed up for a couple of work shifts – we’re going to celebrate the weekend after – I wish I could tell you where but he says it is a surprise – I love him so.

14. Jackson’s next MRI is February 11th – pray, pray, pray…

15. The highlight of my week is something I cannot yet tell everyone – but I am thrilled beyond words – everything in God’s time.

Any Questions?

Love.Unconditionally.Always.

Every once in a while a patient touches your heart – not in that “I love my patients” kinda way – but in a “I am different for having been their nurse” kinda way – it happened today.

Family is important – it surrounds us. We are born into a family, at some point we start our own family – and one day we leave a family behind to carry on what we once created – it is a fact.

There is no such thing as a “typical” or “normal” family… we all have our characters and each of them a role, so to speak. My family is no different. While I didn’t choose my family (nor did they choose me) – each one is unique and special to me – I love them all.

Families are a blessing – no matter how large or small, for I believe that it is not in numbers that we are family but what is in our hearts. Sometimes we are forced to protect those hearts.

We all have our own “reality” – each living life through our individual filter – no one is always right and sometimes everyone can be wrong. No one wants to speak up BUT after someone finally musters the courage suddenly everyone is defensive. You have the right side against the left side – some stand their ground (even if it means doing so alone) while others (and it is always obvious) politic for support – slinging mud and pulling wool. In the end – everyone’s feelings are real.

I watched a family today – surround a beautiful 78 year old woman – she was dying – they all knew it. The filed in and out of the room – guided by the clock and the fact that some of them could not bear to be in the same room with others – I have no idea why, it is really none of my business but I cannot help but wonder, what could have been so bad that fences cannot be mended – even when momma is dying? Sibling rivalry? Divorce? Marriage? Materialistic matters?

I’m not sure what happened after I left this evening, at least not for their family; as for me and mine it is a reminder that life is never perfect, there are no fairy tales – take the time to listen, admit when you’re wrong, tell the truth, put yourself in “their” shoes – Love.Unconditionally.Always

Any Questions?

Now you know...

1. I sing…loudly in my car.
2. I contemplate botox every time I catch a glimpse of a wrinkle in my forehead.
3. I cannot wait to have another baby; but I must wait.
4. A have a tattoo – would have 2 but cannot figure out where to put another – brain cancer awareness.
5. I've got a few good ideas for things to keep me busy after I graduate -
sewing or picture taking - maybe both!
6. I should take Topamax to prevent my migraines but I don’t because it makes
my Diet Dr. Pepper taste nasty - real nasty!
7. I love sports – not all but most.
8. I’m rarely on time.
9. The Middle Place is my favorite book.
10. I’m pretty sure I wear the wrong bra size but refuse to go to some fancy
lingerie store and get properly "measured".
11. I do not enjoy going to the movies – my ADD won’t have it.
12. I’m terrible at geography.
13. I can survive on minimal sleep – sometimes it is necessary.
14. I worry when I shouldn’t.
15. I wish I knew how to play the piano.
16. I have had the same best friend since my freshman year in high school.
17. I scribble/doodle when I am on the phone.
18. My husband is the perfect blend of masculinity and sensitivity.
19. I think better under pressure.
20. I am rather crafty – I love to make new things.
21. Jackson is the best kid I know – Greer…the funniest.
22. I’m loving this blog thing.
23. I haven’t grown an inch since the 8th grade – 5 foot 4 and lovin’ it!
24. I speed – I know better.
25. The only time I had a cavity I had to have a root canal – go figure.



Any Questions?

12 hours on...12 hours off - but not for long!

I have spent half of the last 2 days at work; literally - 24 of the last 48 hours - 12 hour shifts are for the birds. While I love my job with all my heart - I love my family, health and sanity (what is left at this point) much more. I'm off for several days...but will be going to clinicals instead. It's gonna be okay - this too shall pass.

My point: In 118 days I will be officially free from clinicals and 12 hour shifts.


Any Questions?

Right back atchya...

When you least expect it – a word, gesture or some other behavior can send you into orbit. No woman is immune from it and there are plenty of women dishing it out. Women running from person to person spreading lies and rumors all to manipulate everyone they come in contact with – pretty juvenile if you ask me. You would think by the time we have made it into our 30’s women would have outgrown such behaviors – it’s rather obvious – it only gets worse.

The victim is often left to wonder what happened. I personally, wonder why I care so much at times, it should be easy to just consider the source, right?!? I realize that the behavior is so “junior high” because that is probably the place the bulk of their baggage came from; but nonetheless, it’s time to grow up! It is so easy to use more constructive ways to channel fear, anger and that “I’m not good enough” feeling – stop being so evil.

After all, if cruelty were a material object, it would be the shape of a boomerang which hits much harder on the way back to you.

Any Questions?

This girl is...

...innocence playing in mud...


...sunshine in the rain...

...a precious child that cannot be mimicked, fabricated, or recreated...she is a natural. When I look at her, I see myself - only better!

Any Questions?

It's time to break out the big girl panties...

Life – it is what happens while we are busy living...at least that is what “they” say. Well, life is driving me crazy, which to torture you with another cliché – why drive when it’s in walking distance – that is what really applies here, right?

I am usually able to find the humor in my most chaotic days, after all the last two weeks of 2009 were enough to have me officially committed – let’s take a look…

12/15 – My iPhone takes a bath in the washing machine…

12/17 – MRI results suck – tumor is growing, I am thankful it is minimal; still my heart hurts so badly.

12/19 – Saints lose to Dallas – not major in the grand scheme of things but I was not a happy chicka.

12/21 – Greer sticks finger in sewing machine – ER visit (see my entry below for further…)

12/22 – I wake up with Laryngitis – voice mimics the Godfather’s and well, Mark’s for that matter.

12/23 – Mark’s bankcard is stolen, checking account emptied – (overdrawn actually) – ugghhhh

12/24 – FedEx fails to deliver Jackson’s biggest (in impression not actual size) Christmas present as promised by their “overnight” policy.

12/25 – My temp. reaches levels it hasn’t seen in years, maybe decades – it has to be the flu – I am NOT believing this!

So, I’ll stop there – I feel like I am in slow motion – like “the funk” has jumped up and grabbed me by the throat, I’m too tired to fight back. This is frustrating because I feel like all of my life, I have been immune to “the funk” – I kick ass and take names, I am a woman on fire – bring it ‘cause I can handle it – well, not so much this time – it’s time to break out the big girl panties – metaphorically, of course – and just deal with it!

Any Questions?

It's official - I'm in a funk...

My motivation is in low gear and I have found myself in a funk – as I put on my big girl panties and deal with this mood, brought on by NOTHING in particular (which makes it worse)…I’ll let Meredith Grey “speak” for me again on the first day of 2010, after all, she does such a damn good job!

“People have scars in all sorts of unexpected places. Like secret road maps of their personal histories, diagrams of all of their old wounds. Most of our old wounds heal, leaving nothing behind but a scar. But some of them; don’t.

Some wounds, we carry with us everywhere… and though the cut is long gone, the pain still lingers.

What’s worse? New wounds, which are so horribly painful; or old wounds, which should have healed years ago, and never did? Maybe our old wounds teach us something. They remind us where we’ve been, and what we’ve overcome. They teach us lessons about what to avoid in the future. That’s what we like to think.

But that’s not the way it is, is it? Some things we just have to learn over and over and over… again.”

Here’s to learning in 2010…

Any Questions?