When one becomes two...

Several decades ago the average American family remained together, enduring all that came their way – today children that grow up with a two parent family or even their biological parents intact are the minority. While I believe in marriage and all that it stands for, I too believe that there is a time and place for divorce – in other words – I have “been there done that”.

Not only am I divorced but I am also the product of a broken home – my parents divorced when I was 12 after separating on and off from the time that I was born. My mom always said that it is better to come from a broken home to live in one – I agree with that statement whole heartedly – not all people do.

Is it better to come from a broken home or to live in one? While this question can lead to quite the discussion – no matter which side of the fence you stand on – your children will carry a lesson away from the situation. Some argue that if you leave, you are teaching your children that when things get tough it is okay to bail and run the other way – I see it as, some things just cannot always be patched up and that we are all deserving of a life filled with peace and happiness. I feared that by staying in my first marriage I was teaching Jackson that fighting was part of marriage – I feared that he would grow up to be a “fighter” – never knowing the peace and happiness that he deserved so much.

The negative effects of divorce come when the parents (just one or both) continue to hold grudges and let their anger flare – they often resort to lying and magnifying the “other” parent’s faults while minimizing that parent’s positive points. It is just not fair to the children. They are left in the middle of a tug of war – which is usually where the mud is – who wants to hang out there?

Parenting through divorce is difficult (to say the least) however, although some times are harder than others – for the most part, Jeremy and I have accepted each other’s differences, kept Jackson in a pretty regular routine, learned to communicate without fighting (for the most part)and learned to respect each other’s position as the “other” parent. I can’t help but agree with Helen Rowland, “When two people decide to get a divorce, it isn't a sign that they "don't understand" one another, but a sign that they have, at last, begun to.”


Any Questions?